It's Complicated!

I saw a friend's status on Facebook the other day stating that he was 'single' and 'it's complicated'.

Hm...

I was tempted to see his 'single' status, raise it to 'married' and call his 'it's complicated' with a hearth 'HA! I LIVE complicated relationships every day!'

I'm a husband. I'm a father. I'm a son (all three of THOSE to people I share a house with!) I'm a father-in-law. I'm a brother. I'm a son-in-law. I'm a brother-in-law. I'm a...Well, you get the point.

I am MARRIED to a fantastic, smart, gorgeous, funny and...surprise...COMPLICATED woman!
We do not share the same brain (thank God above she doesn't have mine...she would have driven herself off a cliff years ago!). We do not share the same body. We do not share the same opinions. We do not share the same temperament. SINCE we do no share those and many other things, we find ourselves either at odds with each other or trying awkwardly to arrange our psyches' to 'fit' into the others ideas or view points on some situation so as to live in as much harmony as possible.

I found the previous sentence complicated just to write!

We DO have one character trait in common...we are both selfish, and we want our own way. It is my considered opinion that everyone in this world shares that trait with us. And since this is the case, I would most definitely define our relationship as 'complicated'.

I am a FATHER of COMPLICATED children!

I have three exceptional children, and one incredible daughter-in-law. They all bring me much joy, happiness, satisfaction, mile of smiles and great pride! They also bring me great frustration, confusion, sadness, grey hairs and anger. They also have that whole selfish thing going on as well, so add that generously to the mix! Since these, and other traits and emotions are often played against and with each other, I would most definitely define my relationship with them as 'complicated'.

Now, I realize what my friend was saying with his status. He had had a sudden or unexpected change in his relationship. I may, or may not, have been of his own choosing, and where he could explain it, it was more than he wanted to share with the general public, so he wrapped it up in a simple 'it's complicated'. I understand.

But we ALL live complicated lives (again...surprise!)

God seems to understand too. In the book of John, Jesus tells us that 'Here on Earth you WILL have many trials and sorrows' (16:33, emphasis mine). With all due love and respect toward my family and friends, many of my trials and sorrows come by way of them. And, many more times, THEIR trials and sorrows come by way of my! The people I share a house with can attest to that! I, they, we...make life complicated!

But, if you know the rest of the verse, you know that Jesus says, 'but take heart, because I have overcome the world.' We all have a way to get through the 'complicated'. It's tied to that verse in Philippians that says 'we can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength' (4:13).

A complicated life is pretty much a given during our allotted time to spin on the Earth. Accepting it, dealing with it, moving on with it...will, quite honestly, make it less complicated, in my opinion. Not any less frustrating or difficult at times...just less complicated.

Romans 8:18 says, that AFTER this complicated life is over, it will prove to be 'nothing compared to the glory HE will reveal to us later'. A note I made in my Bible next to this verse says 'we won't even THINK 'it was worth it'...because this complicated life won't even be a blip on the radar in heaven.'

THAT's pretty cool...very simple...not complicated!

Mark

REAL Updates!

On occasion as I handle my sound duties at church, or as I'm preparing during the week, I'll think about the songs we're singing that Sunday. Imagine that? Actually considering the words to the praise songs that are being sung to God! Usually I find myself too busy to deal in such trivial matters (!) but every once in a while it'll happen.

Anyway, I've always loved the song 'Blessed Be Your Name.' I'm sure most of you have either heard it or sung it. Great style and rhythm, starts lite, builds to a crescendo, then a strong finish! Finely crafted song! But let's do a word study for a few moments....

"Blessed be Your name,

In a land that is plentiful,

Where Your streams of abundance flow,

Blessed be Your name."

I love those Facebook updates where people are talking about some aspect of their life at that moment and how blessed they are.
“Sitting on the porch with my husband, watching the sunset. I’m blessed.”

“Watching my kids play in the park and my youngest runs up and gives me a hug and tells me he loves me. I’m blessed!”

“Playing games with family and friends. I’m blessed!”

And on and on. We’ve all seen them, and we would definitely agree…those are blessed times.Your health is good. Your family is running smoothly. Maybe you’re pregnant and the future is looking rosy. Your bank account isn't suffering, your house has just sold for more than you asked…Utopia! Nirvana (not the singing group!)! Nay, 'Heavenly!'

"Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise!"
Great stuff!

But...the song doesn't end there, does it? Dang it!!There is a second part of the verse.

'Blessed be Your name,

When I'm found in the desert place,

When I walk through the wilderness,

Blessed be Your name.'

Hmmm…

Job said in his book in chapter 1 and verse 22, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." And from OUR point of view (not being in the middle of his problems), we can definitely agree. “Doesn’t matter what’s happening, Job. Continue to bless God’s name! You hang in there. Don’t lose the faith! Semper fi, my brother!” We have the safety of being the posterity that his story was written for.

And when we sing the song, I don't doubt that a part of us actually means the words. We are deeply committed to praising and blessing God even in the hard times…as long as they’re not THAT hard! As long as they don’t severely rock us off the comfortable road we’re on. We might even sing the song loudly, maybe raise our hands, our hearts and souls filled with love for God and His will, whatever it might be.

But it's safe in there.

It's church.

But if we want to be …real…be the type of Christian and follower of God that Job was…well, try these ‘updates’ on for size…
“The bump the doctor removed from our child's neck came back from pathology, and he wants to talk with us. He didn’t sound encouraged. But, we’re blessed!”

“The house sale fell through. We’re back to square one! But we’re blessed!”

“I’m headed to the lawyer’s office to sign the final divorce papers. I really don’t want this…but God is still on the throne!”

Or these phone calls you get on an idle Tuesday…

Your wife is at the obstetrician and she's crying, and not in a happy way...

Your boss calls you in unexpectedly and asks you to shut the door...

The police have found your child at the wrong place doing the wrong thing...

Job’s entries might read something like this…
“Just got word that all my animals have been stolen and the ranch hands killed. Be praying for me and their families. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But, God’s name be blessed.”

“A tornado destroyed my son’s house. All my kids and their families were there. None survived. My wife and I can barely breath. I don’t understand and I want to curse God...but He has a reason. I will still bless His name.”

"When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I'm gonna say,

Blessed be the name of the Lord"

Paul said in 2 Corinthians 4, talking about the power of God in us, starting in verse 8, "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but NOT FORSAKEN; struck down, but not destroyed...

"Jesus Himself said in John 16:33, "In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." He was giving us His peace!

The song ends with these word over and over...

"Blessed be the name of the Lord,

Blessed be Your name.

Blessed be the name of the Lord,

Blessed be Your Glorious name."

That’s an update we can all post!

The Wedding Laugh

A year ago I made people laugh. Fortunately, it wasn’t JUST a year ago I made people laugh. I’ve been doing it ever since, quite successfully some would say (ok, ‘some’ means ‘me’). Granted, it usually falls in the ‘unintentional comedy’ area, and it mostly involves my family laughing at something idiotic I’ve done, but hey…a laugh’s a laugh!

Anyway, a year ago on June 20, my son, Reese, married an incredibly wonderful, beautiful, way-over-his-head young lady named Melanie. Reese did me the incredible and totally unexpected honor of selecting me to be his best man. The rehearsal, ceremony, and reception went off very well…the message by the pastor, the welcome and prayer at the reception, the DJ…all fell into line quite nicely.

Then came time for toasting the happy couple...the maid of honor did her thing…and I was given the microphone…and decided to ‘wing it’.

For those who weren’t there…you sense it coming, don’t you? One of those ‘I can see the train wreck about to happen and there’s nothing I can do about it so I’ll just sit back and watch’. For those who were there, and remember what I said…try to keep your snickering to just that, please!

After Melanie’s maid of honor, Sarah, gave her toast (done very well…had a script and everything!), it was my turn. I have to say, I started well. It did sound promising…something about ‘make each other laugh’, ‘keep laughter and fun in your marriage’, etc, etc. Nothing bad or embarrassing. Yet.

One of the many problems I deal with on a daily basis (and Noelle and the kids suffer BECAUSE of it as well) is mush mouth. I mumble my words sometimes; let my mouth get ahead of my brain and thoughts. It is affectionately referred to as ‘Mark mouth’, from my days on stage when I would mumble my lines and the director would yell at me, again, to E-NUN-CIATE!! Sure enough, the beast reared its ugly head at the wrong time.

What I MEANT to say as I was wrapping up the toast, talking about the life they have in front of them, was… ‘it’s going to be a great ride.’

What came out of my mouth was… ‘SHE’S going to be a great ride.’

Classy! Suave! Smooth! Yeah, that’s me!!

Fortunately, I was on the back side of the toast, bringing it in for a landing, TOTALLY oblivious to my (some would say ‘Freudian’) slip, so what laughter there was I didn’t hear (I also knew the cutting of the cake was next, so I’m sure my mind was drifting to getting some to eat….hmmmmm, wedding cake…). Anyway, I said, ‘to Reese and Melanie’, we all toasted and went on.

As I’m moving toward the cake area, my best friend, Brian, quickly calls me to his table. When I sat down, he said, with a big smile on his face, ‘Did you REALLY mean to say ‘SHE’S going to be a great ride?’ I paused, started wondering what he was talking about, looked at the other side of the table where two other friends, Kathy and Cindy, were vigorously nodding their heads and laughing…then my eyes started growing wide! “I SAID that?” Yes, I was assured, I did say that. And it was on video tape. For EVERYONE (including my future grandchildren) to hear!!

GENIOUS!! Unintentional comedy OFF the scale!! Thank you! I’ll be here all night!

So, in light of needing to re-phrase my toast, and in celebration of their ONE YEAR anniversary…let me ask your indulgence as I say what I should have said back then.

“I remember the first time I met Reese, about 18 or 19 years ago. He was not a happy guy. Not having a good day. He was crying, cold, wet….naked. People roughing him up, moving him from here to there…just not a good time. But I saw something special in this kid...something I could build on. So I took him under my wing…helped him grow, molded him, shaped him…you could almost say I was a ‘father figure’ to him. Almost!
Seriously, it’s incredible to me and your mom that we are here watching you start this next chapter in your life. It may have seemed slow to you, but to us it’s gone by so fast!
Following Sarah’s lead about Melanie’s old boyfriends, I’ll say we do remember all your old girlfriends…some we liked, very nice girls. The others…eh, not so much. I remember the first time you had a girl sleep over at our house…when you both were about five! It was quite the scandal in our church then! (She was at the reception, by the way, so I’m sure that would have made her blush. And, Laura Lynn, don’t worry, I would only have pointed in your general direction!) Girlfriends came and went, but when you started dating Melanie, there was something different. I remember asking you, ‘What do you see in her?’ And not in a sarcastic way, but I was really curious. And you said, ‘Dad, she makes me laugh’.
That’s good, son. Laughter is great, especially as the years go by. I used to make your mom laugh at funny things I would say or do…now she just laughs at me when I’m NOT trying to be funny, but she’s still laughing. I hope you guys can keep that.
Melanie, you are now the new number one in Reese’s life, after God of course. It’s a title that Noelle and I willingly and with excitement give to you, because we know you are worthy of it. We also give over to you his personality, his goofiness, his desire to play video games ALL THE TIME, his moods, his laundry…it’s all your, honey! Let me know how it works for ya!! Seriously, we couldn’t be happier for him and you…welcome to our family!
You’re both starting what I believer to be an incredible life, your future looks very bright and I believe God’s got great things in store for the two of you. I can tell you both have a deep, caring love for each other. You’re starting very young, some would say, but that’s good in that as you continue to grow your personal ‘roots’ in life, they will intertwine with the others, and your bond to each other will be that much stronger!
IT’S GOING TO BE A GREAT RIDE, this life of yours, and I can’t wait to see where it takes you. I love you both! I pray God’s blessings on you.
To Reese and Melanie!”

Happy anniversary, kids! Hope the ride continues to be fun and exciting!

Birthday Extravaganza!

This April we have had another milestone extravaganza with our children’s birthdays. Reese turned 20 on the 3rd, McKenna turned 16 on the 18th and Drake will be 13 on the 25th. Wow…how did the time pass so quickly!?

Oddly, Reese’s turning 20 bothered me a bit more than him getting married last summer. I’m not sure why this is so. You would think that becoming a mother-in-law would be the thing that makes me feel old! When I think about the last 20 years I have a lot of wonderful memories and some that aren’t so great. Oh how I wish I could go back and correct MY behavior as Reese was growing up. It’s sad to say that I didn’t always respond to him in the right way. I didn’t always discipline in the right way. I didn’t always spend the time I needed to with him. I didn’t always give him my undivided attention when he deserved it. I didn’t always say the right things. I DID always love him. Always. Even when I didn’t like him very much and he didn’t like me very much…I always loved him. And I still do! I am so proud to be his Mom. He’s turned into a great person who knows how to love others, desires to serve God and wants to make a difference in the world. Wow…what a gift he is!

With McKenna’s birthday came a driver’s license. Yay! And not so ‘yay’. It will be nice to be able to have someone to run an errand for me every now and then (until she gets tired of that!) and to help chauffer her brother around. The insurance…not so great! McKenna is my only girl…and I am so glad that I have her! Oh how I wish I could go back and correct MY behavior over the last 16 years. It’s sad to say that in addition to the ‘didn’ts’ listed above I wasn’t always compassionate. I wasn’t always understanding. I wasn’t always a good listener when she needed to talk. I wasn’t always available. I wasn’t always kind. I WAS always in love with her. Always. Even when I didn’t like her very much and she didn’t like me very much…I was always in love with her. And still am! She’s my girl! I am very proud to be her Mom. She is growing into a beautiful young woman inside and out who is learning how to please God and desires that in her life. She cares about others and is there for her friends no matter what. Wow…what a gift she is!

Drake…I can’t believe he is entering into the teen-age years. Goodness. My baby…13! Yikes! Now that makes me feel old! Drake has always been so shy (until you get to know him!). I know he’s growing up because he’s starting to leave that behind. I can see him making better choices already. Oh how I wish I could go back and correct MY behavior during Drake’s first 13 years. It’s sad to say that in addition to all of the ‘didn’ts’ and wasn’ts’ listed above I haven’t always been patient enough. I haven’t always tried to see it from his perspective. I haven’t always kept my word. I haven’t always loved unconditionally. I haven’t always led by example. I HAVE always loved him. Always. Even when I didn’t like him very much and he didn’t like me very much…I have always loved him. And still do! He brings me joy! I am so proud to be his Mom! He is growing into a great young man who is loyal and loving towards others, can make you laugh and lift you up and is learning to serve God and please Him. Wow…what a gift he is!

Oh how I love these children of mine! Always have. Always will.

HARSH!

Most of my life I have prided myself on being like the Range, from the song 'Home on the Range'...where seldom is heard, a discouraging word.' (I'd change the next part about the sky to INCLUDE clouds and a chance of strong storms and hail and tornadoes and blizzards all the time...it's the weather freak in me...).

But as I've grown older and crankier and grumpier, I've found that's not as much the 'norm' as it used to be. Discouraging words DO come out at times, more often I DO make statements and arguments that are very...argumentative. I do things that cause hurt feelings, bitterness and anger. The unfortunate recipients of most of theses outbursts are my family, in general, and specifically, my wife, Noelle.

When I speak harsh, angry...'discouraging' words to her, I'm definitely NOT following the command of Colossians 3:19 which says 'Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly." Along that line, verse 21 instructs the fathers not to 'provoke your children to anger, so they won't be discouraged.'

Anger, discouragement, bitterness...all coming FROM the husband/father. Who, obviously, is more prone to DO that sort of thing. I notice that command is not given to the wife (hardly seems fair!). Probably some testosterone/competitive/'me-Tarzan-you-Jane' thing that's inbred in guys for...Lord only knows what reason.

Probably as a guy this instruction would sink in more if I would take it like a player hearing it from a coach I respect (in this case, God). He keeps drilling it into me over and over during practice! It's put on signs around the locker room to remind me what my focus needs to be. THAT'S what I need! A sign! I can make one and nail it over the door in our bedroom and slap it every time I walk out, like a football team slaps it's motto sign before they head out of the big game...'Never treat her harshly!'. Practice it, learn it, live it! (nailing a sign inside our bedroom over the door would probably make her bitter all over again, and the only slapping would be...well...I'll just imagine it's there!)

1 Peter 3:7 tells men to give honor to their wives as a weaker vessel. I heard a great illustration about the difference between men and women...

Men are like a tin cup you'd take camping. You can drop it, kick it, throw it into the backpack without thinking about it. It might get dinged up and not be as shiny or clean (just like a lot of guys!), but...it doesn't care...it's a tin cup. It still works.

Women are more like a porcelain teacup. It (they) must be treated with more care and carefulness. Tenderness and gentleness are the ways to take care of such an item. You can't throw it around or casually drop it without it cracking or breaking. It's a more delicate item. That sort of cup needs and wants to be clean and shiny (just like most women) when you use it.

My point is this...when men live with their wife, they are asked to grow. It's apparently part of our DNA to treat others in harsh ways sometimes (probably more often than we think). We grow by learning how to treat a TOTALLY different kind of person in ways that are almost foreign to us. God likes growth, stretching...taking us out of our comfort zones. Making us into the men He wants us to be. He says we can do ALL things through Him who gives us strength.

Maybe THAT needs to be the sign we have up in our rooms!