Most of my life I have prided myself on being like the Range, from the song 'Home on the Range'...where seldom is heard, a discouraging word.' (I'd change the next part about the sky to INCLUDE clouds and a chance of strong storms and hail and tornadoes and blizzards all the time...it's the weather freak in me...).
But as I've grown older and crankier and grumpier, I've found that's not as much the 'norm' as it used to be. Discouraging words DO come out at times, more often I DO make statements and arguments that are very...argumentative. I do things that cause hurt feelings, bitterness and anger. The unfortunate recipients of most of theses outbursts are my family, in general, and specifically, my wife, Noelle.
When I speak harsh, angry...'discouraging' words to her, I'm definitely NOT following the command of Colossians 3:19 which says 'Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly." Along that line, verse 21 instructs the fathers not to 'provoke your children to anger, so they won't be discouraged.'
Anger, discouragement, bitterness...all coming FROM the husband/father. Who, obviously, is more prone to DO that sort of thing. I notice that command is not given to the wife (hardly seems fair!). Probably some testosterone/competitive/'me-Tarzan-you-Jane' thing that's inbred in guys for...Lord only knows what reason.
Probably as a guy this instruction would sink in more if I would take it like a player hearing it from a coach I respect (in this case, God). He keeps drilling it into me over and over during practice! It's put on signs around the locker room to remind me what my focus needs to be. THAT'S what I need! A sign! I can make one and nail it over the door in our bedroom and slap it every time I walk out, like a football team slaps it's motto sign before they head out of the big game...'Never treat her harshly!'. Practice it, learn it, live it! (nailing a sign inside our bedroom over the door would probably make her bitter all over again, and the only slapping would be...well...I'll just imagine it's there!)
1 Peter 3:7 tells men to give honor to their wives as a weaker vessel. I heard a great illustration about the difference between men and women...
Men are like a tin cup you'd take camping. You can drop it, kick it, throw it into the backpack without thinking about it. It might get dinged up and not be as shiny or clean (just like a lot of guys!), but...it doesn't care...it's a tin cup. It still works.
Women are more like a porcelain teacup. It (they) must be treated with more care and carefulness. Tenderness and gentleness are the ways to take care of such an item. You can't throw it around or casually drop it without it cracking or breaking. It's a more delicate item. That sort of cup needs and wants to be clean and shiny (just like most women) when you use it.
My point is this...when men live with their wife, they are asked to grow. It's apparently part of our DNA to treat others in harsh ways sometimes (probably more often than we think). We grow by learning how to treat a TOTALLY different kind of person in ways that are almost foreign to us. God likes growth, stretching...taking us out of our comfort zones. Making us into the men He wants us to be. He says we can do ALL things through Him who gives us strength.
Maybe THAT needs to be the sign we have up in our rooms!
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